I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
