I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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