I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
