The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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