Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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