a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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