Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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