did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
