He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
