Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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