i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
