you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
