I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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