I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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