I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
