I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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