I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
