I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
someone owes me an orgasm
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
