I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
