i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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