His hands were made for my vagina.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
