How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
