they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
