Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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