don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
