sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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