Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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