ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
