We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
