Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
