It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
