He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We talked him into tasing himself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
