I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
