i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
