In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I party with great urgency now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
