true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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