She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Vodka?
Forever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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