I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
