He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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