I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
