you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
