Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
