mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
