I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
