are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've blown a few things in my day
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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