i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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