I cannot find my penis.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
