Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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