I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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