I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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