well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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