Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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