You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
